Insanity Max 30 Results and Confession Time

For the past 60 days Joey and I have been following the Insanity Max 30 program.  This is the most challenging program that I have ever done and completed!  I have gained so much from this program.  I've gained knowledge, endurance and strength!  My endurance is the thing that I have seen improve the most.  When we first started I was maxing out around 7-8 minutes.  Now that we have completed the program I was maxing out anywhere from 23 minutes (THERE ARE A LOT OF PUSH-UPS) to 30 minutes!  What a huge improvement!  The best thing about completing it is that I DID IT!  I made a goal and I followed through.  There is nothing better than that feeling especially when the journey is really hard.  I also loved that my husband, Joey, and I were able to do this together as a team.  Working out together truly does bring you closer together especially when you are both working towards a similar goal. With all that being said....I have a confession to make.  I'm pretty nervous about this confession but it is a part of learning how to live a healthy lifestyle and it was a lesson I needed to learn.

Below I have my stats from beginning, middle, and end.

January 1, 2015                                       Feb. 1, 2015                                        Feb. 28, 2015
Weight - 122                                          Weight - 124.2                                      Weight - 120.0
Bust - 32                                                 Bust - 32                                                Bust - 32
Waist - 24.5                                           Waist - 24.75                                         Waist - 24
Belly Button - 27.75                                Belly Button - 28                                   Belly Button - 27
Hips - 36.5                                             Hips - 36.5                                            Hips - 36
Thighs - 18.5                                          Thighs - 18.5                                         Thighs - 18
Calves - 13                                             Calves - 13                                       L Calf - 12.75 R Calf - 13
Right arm - 11                                         Right arm - 11                                        Right arm - 11
Left arm - 10.5                                        Left arm - 10.5                                      Left arm - 10.5

Here are my pictures from beginning to middle

Some of you may be asking "What in the world happened?"  Why did you gain inches and weight while doing such a hard workout program?  Well, I will tell you why..... NUTRITION!  Did you know that 80% of weight loss is nutrition?  YOU CANNOT WORK OFF A BAD DIET.  And that is exactly what happened.  I was working out every day and putting my all into it.  However, I was eating whatever I wanted.  I got derailed.  I was eating sweets, pizza, etc.  Things that #1 make me gain, #2 don't let my body function the way it should, and #3 that make me moody and not get good sleep.  It doesn't matter if you workout like crazy.  That is not going to make up for a poor diet.

Here are my pictures from Feb.1 and Feb. 28

What did I change to get these results?  Did I workout more?  No.  I did exactly what I was doing before.  I changed my diet.  I used the 21 day fix nutrition plan in the last two weeks of the program and that is where I saw the biggest change.  You will notice that not only did I lose weight and inches but you can see my muscles better.  That is the effect of clean eating.

Here are my pictures from January 1 to Feb. 28

Those are good results for someone my size.  I don't need to lose weight and inches.  But, I believe if I had stuck with clean eating and portion control that I would have been able to see more muscle definition because I worked HARD!  So, the moral of the story is..... Nutrition and Fitness go hand in hand.  I have had friends in my challenge groups who have gotten sick or injured and worried immediately that they would gain weight because they couldn't work out.  I am here to tell you that that IS NOT TRUE.  Nutrition is 80% of weight loss.  If you are sick or injured and you stick to clean eating and portion control you will continue to lose while your body is recovering.

Now...with all of that being said I want to share Joey's results!  Joey is now at the lowest weight he has ever been since he was a CHILD!  How exciting is that?!  He is just 14 pounds away from his goal weight.  In the past two years he has worked so hard despite working 12 hour days.  If anyone has an excuse to not workout it's him.  BUT....working out is a PRIORITY to him so he MADE TIME.  Here are his Insanity Max 30 results.

"After 8 weeks of Insanity Max 30 the results are in!!! 12.6 pounds lost, 1/2 inch lost around my chest and 1 1/2 inches lost around my belly. It feels so good to be done with the program, and it feels even better to see such awesome results!!"

 

 

 

 

Living a Healthy Lifestyle is a learning process.  Slow and Steady wins the race.  There is no quick fix.  There is no magic pill, or magic wrap, or extreme diet that is going to give you LASTING results.  If you want to lose weight, feel great and learn how to keep it off this is the only way.  Hard work and dedication.  I will tell you that the hard work is worth every amount of effort I put into.  No one did this but me!  To give you an idea of where we have come from.... here are our before and afters from when we first started our journey about 2 years ago.

Going on a New 21 Day Fix Extreme Adventure!

My husband and I have just completed 60 days of Insanity Max 30!  On Monday we will be moving on to our next 21 day program, 21 Day Fix Extreme.  Both of us did the original 21 Day Fix and got our best results from that program.  The combination of the nutrition plan and fitness plan is the perfect mix to achieving results.  Most people lose 8-10 pounds within one round of 21 Day Fix!  The nutrition plan teaches about portion control.   The program comes with these tiny, colorful containers.

Based on your weight and activity level, the nutrition plan gives you a chart of how many of these containers you can have each day.  So for instance.... I get 3 green, 2 purple, 4 red, 2 yellow, 1 blue, 1 orange.  The plan is not just about portion control, it is about balancing your meals so you are getting the appropriate amount of each type of food to help your body function to the best of its ability.  For each container there is a list of CLEAN foods that you may eat.  As long as that food fits in the container, YOU CAN HAVE IT!  How simple is that? 

Here is what I noticed while doing the nutrition plan:  My body felt good.  Foods that I used to think tasted good like my kids snacks, processed food, ice cream...did not taste good to me anymore!  The kids snacks and cereal tasted like cardboard.  I wasn't craving the bad food anymore.  My body started craving the clean, good food.  I will never forget when I opted to have CARROTS instead of ice cream!  That is huge for me.  Also, because I was eating the correct amounts of each food group my body seemed to get more regular (if you know what I mean...TMI?  Sorry).  The other thing that I noticed from eating clean was that my muscle definition was much more defined.  My biceps, triceps, back, and abs were very much present on this clean nutrition plan.  I learned that I had been eating waaaaay too much fruit and carbs.  I had not been eating enough vegetables and protein.

The workouts offer a lot of variety.  She integrates weights into many of the 7, half hour, workouts.  Weight training burns 40% more fat than just cardio alone.  Weight training also causes your body to burn calories while you sleep.  I spent years of my life running on a treadmill only to get no results.  The minute I started integrating weight training into my workout routine is when I saw REAL results.  My entire body changed shape and the pounds and inches started melting off.  Autumn Calabrese is the trainer.  Here she is!

Autumn uses a variety of workouts to get great results.  All the workouts are 30 minutes long.  She does cardio, cardio with weights, total body strength training, upper body strength training, lower body strength training, pilates, and yoga.  She also has a killer 10 minute ab routine.  One workout per day.  She uses pilates and yoga as active rest days.  Each exercise that she does only lasts 1 minute.  She always says "You can do anything for 1 minute!"  And you can, right?

On Monday we break open 21 Day Fix Extreme and will do the program full out for 21 Days.  I am so excited to share our results when we are done!  But...this week we did try out some yummy looking recipes from the 21 Day Fix Extreme Meal plan.  So, I thought I would share some of my favorites with you!

CHICKEN FAJITAS - 2 green, 1/2 purple, 1 red, 1/2 blue
Makes 4 servings, 2 fajitas each

1 tsp.  chili powder
1/2 tsp.  sea salt
1/2 tsp.  ground cumin
1/2 tsp.  garlic powder
2 tsp.  olive oil (divided use)
4 (5-6oz) raw chicken breasts, boneless, skinless, cut into 1/2 inch strips
1 medium red (or green) bell pepper, cut into thin strips
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
1 TBSP. fresh lime juice
8 Large romaine (or butter) lettuce leaves
1/2 medium avocado, thinly sliced
1 cup  fresh salsa

1.  Combine chili powder, salt, cumin, garlic powder, and 1 tsp. oil in large resealable plastic bag.
2.  Add chicken, bell pepper, and onion; mix gently to coat.
Refrigerate for 15 minutes
3.  Heat remaining 1 tsp. oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
4.  Empty contents of bag into skillet; cook, stirring frequently, for 5-6 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.
5.  Remove from heat.  Add lime juice.
6.  Evenly top lettuce leaves with chicken mixture, avocado, and salsa.

Absolutely delicious!

TURKEY LETTUCE WRAPS - 1 green, 1 red
Makes 6 servings, 1 wrap each

1.5 lbs.  raw 93% lean ground turkey breast
1 tsp.  garlic powder
1 tsp.  ground cumin
1/2 tsp.  sea salt
1 tsp.  chili powder
1 tsp.  paprika
1/2 tsp.  dried oregano
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1/2 green bell pepper, finely chopped
3/4 cup  water
3/4 cup tomato sauce, no sugar added (4 oz)
6  large lettuce leaves, washed, dried
1 medium tomato, chopped
1 cup   fresh cilantro, chopped

1.  Heat large nonstick skillet over medium heat.  Add turkey; cook, stirring frequently, for 5 minutes, or until no longer pink.
2.  Add garlic powder, cumin, sea salt, chili powder, paprika, oregano; mix well.
3.  Add onion and bell pepper; cook, stirring frequently, for 4-5 minutes or until onion is translucent.
4.  Add water and tomato sauce.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low; cook, covered, for 10-12 minutes.
5.  Top each lettuce leaf evenly with turkey mixture, tomato and cilantro.

TURKEY CHILI  - 1/2 green, 1 red, 1/2 yellow
Makes 6 servings, 1 cup each

1 tsp.  olive oil
1.5 lbs.  raw 93% lean ground turkey
1  medium onion, chopped
1  medium green bell pepper, chopped
3 cloves  garlic, finely chopped
1.5 tsp.   ground cumin
1 TBSP.  chili powder
1/2 tsp.  sea salt
1/4 tsp.  cayenne pepper (to taste)
2 (15 oz.) cans  black beans (or pinto beans), drained, rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can  all natural diced tomatoes, no sugar added
12 fresh cilantro sprigs, finely chopped for garnish

1.  Heat oil in large saucepan over medium-high heat.
2.  Add turkey, onion, bell pepper, and garlic; cook, stirring occasionally, for 5-8 minutes, or until turkey is no longer pink.
3.  Add cumin, chili powder, salt, and cayenne pepper; cook, stirring constantly, for one minute.
4.  Add beans and tomatoes (with liquid).  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low; gently boil, stirring occasionally, for 15-20 minutes, or until thickened.
5.  Serve warm, sprinkled with cilantro.

I hope you enjoy!

Reset Time! Eating Clean

I have come to realize that there are so many benefits to eating clean.  Is it always easy for me?  No!  I am someone who loves sweets.  It is my weakness.  If you put a cake with lots of icing in front of me it will be nearly impossible for me to resist it even though within minutes I could get a migraine from the sugar.  Isn't that crazy?!!  I can actually feel all the blood rise to my head after eating lots of sugar and the headache comes within minutes.  Yet.....I continue to do it because it TASTES so good.  And that is not the only side effect.  Since eating clean I notice that I will get acid reflux and heartburn when I eat things that are not clean.  The next day I will be moody, tired, sluggish.  And the next day I think "Why did I eat that? I feel terrible!"
It's a learning process.  I am getting better and better about it.  And that is what coaching and challenge groups are all about.  Will I be perfect?  Will my challengers be perfect?  No!   But we are learning.  We are learning how our bodies work and what helps them work to their best potential.  When I eat clean I start to CRAVE vegetables instead of sweets.  If I take a bite of one of those cheap kids snacks like teddy grahams, they don't taste good to me anymore.  They taste like cardboard.  BUT....when you have the sweets and the processed foods in your system it makes it very hard because your body is still experiencing those old cravings.  It takes time to get rid of all that from your body.
I say all this because for the past two months I have NOT been eating clean.  And as a result I have felt tired.  I have felt moody.  I have been CRAVING pizza, ice cream, cake, cookies.  All things that do not help my body to function in the way that it could be functioning.  So....I have started back on the Fix nutrition plan.  Clean eating for me.  I want to get rid of the junk in my system and get rid of those cravings.  I want my body to operate at the best that it can.  I want to feel happy and well, not moody!  So it is reset time.  On Sunday we went to the grocery store and prepped for the week ahead with this in mind.  YOU HAVE TO PLAN when you want to eat clean.  The minute you don't plan is the minute you will reach for something fast and not good for you.  Our first meal last night was 21 Day Fix Extreme Chicken Fajitas.  They were so yummy!  I have the recipe posted below.  Try it.  Tell me what you think.

Chicken Fajitas
Makes 4 servings, 2 fajitas each

1 tsp.  chili powder
1/2 tsp.  sea salt or Himalayan Salt
1/2 tsp.  ground cumin
1/2 tsp.  garlic powder
2 tsp.  olive oil, divided use
4 (5-6 oz) raw chicken breasts, boneless, skinless, cut into 1/2 inch strips.
1 medium red (or green) bell pepper, cut into thin strips
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
1 Tbsp.  FRESH lime juice
8  large romaine (or butter) lettuce leaves
1/2 medium avocado, thinly sliced
1 cup FRESH salsa

1.  Combine chili powder, salt, garlic powder, cumin and 1 tsp oil in large resealable plastic bag.
2.  Add chicken, bell pepper and onion; mix gently to coat.  Refrigerate for 15 minutes
3.  Heat REMAINING 1 tsp. olive oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
4.  Empty contents of bag into skillet; cook, stirring frequently, for 5-6 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.
5.  Remove from heat.  Add lime juice
6.  Evenly top lettuce leaves with chicken mixture, avacado, and salsa
7.  Garnish with lime wedges if desired

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Debt Free is Within Reach

I'm an actress.  I went to undergrad for theatre and to graduate school for theatre.  As most of you may know, the majority of actors DO NOT make a lot of money.  Most actors have to get a second job.  When I left school I had over $40,000 in school loans that I had to pay off.  When I got my first bill I sat and cried and cried.  I told Joey, my husband, that it was going to take me 50-60 years to pay off these loans.  I felt completely deflated.  Here I was, very educated and doing what I love, but thinking that I was never going to be able to have a house, a family, kids, vacations etc.  From the minute I started working professionally as an actress I started looking for legitimate ways to make extra income that wouldn't take me away from my home for hours on end.  (Actors also work VERY long hours).  I looked at blogging, secret shopping, surveys.  I looked at job sites.  I didn't find anything that didn't require you to PAY for the job opportunity.  It all seemed like a scam to me. 

It's been 10 years and I have FINALLY found a job that not only can I do from home, but that I LOVE!  This job has allowed us to pay off so much debt in just the 6 months that I have been doing it.  And you know what?  Paying off those student loans is no longer something I think is impossible!  In fact it's something that is within reach now!  How exciting is that?!

If you have a similar situation and want to earn a legitimate income from home please message me and let's talk.  I never imagined that I could be making an average of $200 a WEEK by connecting with people, building relationships with people and helping people on a daily basis in just 6 short months.  What could you do with an extra $50 - $200 a week?

If you are looking for a way to become debt free, make extra income from home, spend more time with your family, please click on the link below and fill out the form.  I would love to talk with you more!
https://dramaticfitness.wufoo.com/forms/coach-opportunity/

Getting out of bed is the hardest part....

     On a normal day with a normal routine my husband gets up around 5am and gets ready for work. He is a high school theatre teacher.  Typically he leaves the house around 5:50am or 6am and returns home around 5:20pm.  For my typical day I was dragging myself out of my bed at 6am or 7am depending on if I had to go to work that day.  I was cranky.  I had low patience.  I had no quiet time to myself to wake up because by that time my children's voices were the first thing that I heard.  And was I finding myself excited to hear their sweet little voices?  No!  I was annoyed and cranky and I just wanted them to BE QUIET!  I wanted them to not ask me to do anything.  I wanted to just be alone.  This sets the tone for the entire day.  Then I would be trying to get work done in the morning, getting my workout done and by that time it was already lunch time and I hadn't really paid much attention to my son.  So I play with my son a little in the afternoon and then it's time to pick up my daughter at school, help her with her homework, fix dinner, get the kids ready for bed, put them to bed and then sit in my recliner like a zombie either watching T.V. or scrolling through Facebook on my phone.  My husband got home at 5:20 but I feel like we were so tired from our days that we weren't connecting at night.  For months now I have been feeling an urging from God to do something about this.  And I have been procrastinating.  After all, if I did something about it, I would have to make the decision to get up early.  I would have to put away my phone at night and not look at it.  But, this Sunday I couldn't procrastinate anymore.  The pastor's message was one of those messages that felt like it was directly made for me.  I had to do something about it because when I really think about it, was I really LIVING?  No, I was just going through my rushed routine.  I wasn't enjoying my family or the beautiful things around me.

  So, for the Lenten Season and hopefully well after this 4 weeks is over, I have made a commitment to make a change.  Every morning Joey and I will be getting up at 4:30am.  We will do our 1/2 hour workout together.  Then we will drink our coffee together, do our quiet time with the Lord together, and pray together before he goes off to work.  Then, I will get my work done before my children even wake up (or at least most of it).  That leaves me time to spend with Ryder while Zoey is at school and give him my undivided attention.  We have also committed to putting our phones away at 6pm.  No more Facebook scrolling or game playing.  That time is to be spent with each other as a family: playing, talking, and spending quality time together.

  Its been 3 days now and I already feel a HUGE difference.  Is it hard to get up at 4:30am?  Absolutely!  I am not a morning person at all.  The hardest part is getting up out of the bed.  Once I do that, I can keep on moving.  Then we work out first to get our blood pumping and wake up.  Our quiet time together has been so peaceful.  Our prayer time together has been wonderful.  I feel more connected to Joey.  I miss him while he is gone for work and I can't wait til he comes home.  My children do not annoy me when they wake up because I have gotten a chance to wake up and get my mindset right and at peace first.  This gives me patience and kindness and love to go through the day. I could very well choose to sleep instead in the morning, but would that really be what I want?  Is it more important for me to connect with God, my family, my husband and stay healthy?  To me it is.  So, I gotta keep remembering that getting those feet out from under the covers is the hardest part.  And I can definitely do that!  Getting up early is a small price to pay for the blessings my family and I will receive.

Getting that Little Girl Back

Eeek!  I'm scared!  This is my first ever blog!  I have been thinking about doing one for a while now but have been scared to start one.  So here it goes..... 

There have been a lot of changes in my life recently.  These changes have gotten me thinking about how I was when I was a child.  I was a very happy child.  My parents love to tell the story about how we were in a store waiting for something and I would run up to complete strangers, stand in front of them, laugh and get them to laugh.  Then I would move onto the next person.  I look back at pictures and I see the joy I had as a child.  My smile said it all.  My eyes were bright and beaming.  If I didn't know me, I would look at those pictures and my smile as a child would make me smile.

I look happy right?  That's because I was happy.  Then, somewhere around 9 or 10 years old, everything changed.  Around that time I remember being self conscience about my body for the very first time in my life.  I remember in 4th grade being so anxious about being weighed by the school nurse.  My friends were 50-70 pounds and I was 90 lbs.  I remember in 5th grade sucking in my belly to look thinner.  I was at that point 100lbs and a little chunky for my age.  Kids started to make fun of me.  My parents got concerned.  I became a different child.  My parents used to say "You were so happy when you were little...then something changed."  (That sounds worse than it was.  My parents are very loving people.  They just noticed the change in me.)  I started doing weight watchers and walking at night with my mom.  I lost some weight but I started to obsess about weight and then I stopped eating all together around 12 years old.  Around that time, I had my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak.  (I now realize that 12 years old was WAAAAYYY too young to be having boyfriends. Hey...what do you know?  My Dad did know what he was talking about)  I was way too young to handle the adult emotions that came with thinking that I was in love with a boy.  That first heartbreak started a cycle for me of boyfriend after boyfriend.  Trying to find love that I did not feel for myself.  That summer I wouldn't eat hardly anything at all.  We lived near the beach so my friends and I were constantly walking miles and miles a day in the hot summer.  I wouldn't even drink water.  I remember someone trying to give me ONE GRAPE and i said I couldn't eat it because it would make me fat.  I was miserable at 12 years old.  I wanted desperately to be thin, pretty and loved.  And I felt none of those things.  

 12 years old and anorexic

 14 years old

 15 years old

16 or 17 at my junior prom

When I think back on my highschool life, I remember only two things really.  Being heartbroken by one boyfriend or another and being miserable in my body no matter what size I was.  I would get dumped and starve myself.  Then I would date someone new and eat and eat and eat.  The cycle happened over and over again.  No matter what size I was I felt tired, sad, anxious, depressed, full of emotional and physical pain.

It came time for college and I decided to go to college for Theatre Performance.  I wanted to be an actress.  Why?  Because I got to be someone else for 2 hours when I was on stage.  I didn't have to feel my feelings.  I didn't have to think about my body.  I got to be someone funny, or pretty, or intelligent for just 2 hours.  

In grad school I met my husband, Joey, after a very very bad breakup.  This breakup had devastated me and I found myself as a 22 year old adult, once again starving myself and acting like a crazy ex-girlfriend.  I was so desperate for someone to love me.  It didn't matter to me that the guy didn't WANT to be with me.

  Joey met me at such a terrible time in my life.  I don't think I have ever felt as bad about myself as I did then.  Yet, Joey loved me.  Joey loved me the way no one else ever had.  Joey loved me for who I was.  He thought I was pretty and funny  and talented.  He loved me.  I found in him what I had been seeking all those years.  Someone to love me so much.  We got married.  And you know what?  I was still miserable.  My poor husband would tell me I was beautiful and I would roll my eyes.  My poor husband would come home from work and greet me with his wonderful smile and I would greet him with a miserable look on my face.  I had migraines 15-20 times a month.  I had chronic neck and back pain.  I was never happy.  And Joey still loved me.

   After we had our first child Zoey, I found myself suffering with post partum depression.  This depression is so different than regular depression.  (But that is for a different post.  lol)  Once again my husband was having to deal with not only a new born but a wife that couldn't stop crying.  I was the biggest I had ever been in my life.  I was 5'4 and 174 pounds.  My whole body hurt.  I hurt physically and emotionally.  I didn't want to do anything.  Finally I started to walk and do weight watchers again because I just couldn't stand the way I looked any more.  I would lose 10 pounds and gain it back over and over.  I was trying to do it by myself and it was shameful to me.  I always felt guilty and like a failure.  But, had started moving and I did start to feel a difference in my body and mind.  After I had my second child, one of my close friends lost a bunch of weight.  I found myself insanely jealous of her.  When I saw her I would instantly feel terrible about myself.  I would say "I could never look like that."  "My body isn't built that way."  "My metabolism is slower than hers."  The truth was, I had never found a way that worked for me.  I finally got so sick of living in the body and mind that I was in that I started working out and doing weight watchers again on my own.

I started doing workouts on pinterest and then I started doing beachbody workouts at home.  It was hard working out with two kids but being trapped in a body that I wasn't comfortable in, was harder.  To my amazement, I lost all the weight and got to my goal weight!  I was 117 pounds!  And you know what?  It wasn't good enough.  I wanted to be 115 lbs.  I still looked in the mirror and saw fat.  I saw flaws, I saw ugly.  About a year ago, I was sitting in church obsessing about when the next time I would work out was going to be and the pastor started talking about Leaving your baggage behind and moving on.  I had A LOT OF BAGGAGE.  And I literally felt God speak to me.  I literally felt God telling me it was time to get help and move on.  Here I was....I was the smallest and fittest I had ever been in my life and it still wasn't good enough.  Why?  Because I didn't love myself.  I knew what i had to do.  I had to go to a counselor.  And I was never so scared in my whole life.  I was scared to talk to a stranger.  I was scared she wouldn't understand.  I was scared of what people would think of me.  I was scared she would take my scale away!  I was scared that I WOULD get better!  I was scared I would get better and gain all the weight back.  This was my identity now.  I had become this depressed, negative, unhappy person and I had been CHOOSING to stay that way because I didn't want to step out of my comfort zone.  But....I went.  And you know what?  Even though there were tears.  Even though my stomach was churning....this HUGE weight was lifted when I actually admitted to someone else that I had a problem.  The healing process began.

   Around that time, God brought Beachbody Coaching into my life.  Never did I ever imagine that being a Beachbody Coach would have such a profound impact on my life.  I was healing but I had so many things to learn.  I had to learn how to live a healthy lifestyle while keeping a healthy mindset.  I started doing challenge groups and found something I never knew I needed.  Community.  Here I was coaching other people on their fitness journey and I found that these people were inspiring me.  They were taking the guilt and shame out of the my journey for me.  I need my challengers just as much as they need me.  I need the positivity, the encouragement, the motivation, the fun and the support.  I need it.  

  I am still healing.  But....I feel like I am starting to find that happy little girl that I lost so long ago.  I can look in the mirror and not see flaws.  I can look in the mirror and be happy with who I am.  I can look in the mirror and love the person I am becoming.  I can look at my pictures and see that smile coming back.  And it's not a fake smile.  I actually feel joy.  There is a brightness in my eyes that was gone for so long.  That little girl who used to love herself is coming back.  And God is going to do great things with this girl!  I can feel it.